3 strikes and you’re out buddy.

I think I made another mistake. You tell me…

Every day now I spend a few extra minutes in the lobby of my building. I let a few elevators pass as I hope that this girl will show up again. But I’ve been starting to give up hope. Whatever random fate that connected us those two times is all used up.

And then comes yesterday.

After spending 5 minutes checking my phone out in front of my building I finally give up and head home. I’m thinking to myself as I walk : “wow, I just have to forget this girl and let things happen naturally.. if I meet her I meet her..”. I go to the post office, head down to the subway and get on the last car (which I usually don’t do since it doesn’t line up with the stairs at my stop, but I do it anyway for some unknown reason).

Sure enough I look around the car when I get on and sitting there in the back row of my section is a girl who I think is the girl from my building! Now of course I don’t stare and I turn around and face the front but I can see her in a reflection. Is that her? Am I imagining that it’s her? It can’t be her.

I ponder missing my stop so I can see where she gets off. I think about getting up, walking back to her and saying something really brilliant like “Don’t you work at 18th and Arch?”. I debate all of these things and of course, I do nothing, frozen in this indecision.

Finally I decide it’s not her and I get up at my stop to get off and sure enough, she does too. We get off and start walking and I’m certain she glances back at me. Instead of thinking “Yes, that’s her and she knows its me and she wants me to come over and say hello” I think “She doesn’t know me and is creeped out that I looked at her a couple of times and is wondering if I’m following her.”.

We continue along and she goes down onto another platform to another train and its then that I realize that it really was her. For the 3rd time, completely at random, she was placed into my life and again I failed to act.

Was this my 3rd strike?

2 thoughts on “3 strikes and you’re out buddy.

  1. As you may know, your behavior is a defense mechanism known as approach-avoidance. You approach something desirable then avoid it because of the stress/anxiety you fear will happen (?rejection, embarassment, promiscuity, danger?). But this behavior (approach/avoidance) itself causes stress/anxiety… You may actually have contempt for this side of yourself (approach), so you avoid what you approach to protect yourself i.e. survival i.e. sanity i.e. stability…..

    Like

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